“How afraid you are determines how brave you are.”—Rita Moreno
What a beautiful thought. One person’s mundane task might be another person’s mountain to climb. Courage is not reserved for history books or monumental accomplishments. Courage is what happens any time we do something that scares us. I get scared of all sorts of things, big and small. I am scared of things that might seem mundane to someone else. I’m scared of failure, and I’m scared of not being perfect. I’m scared of saying the wrong thing.
Sometimes, I’m scared of things that aren’t even real. Hypotheticals. What ifs. Worst-case scenarios that only exist in my brain. Unsurprisingly, the outcome I am afraid of—the story of failure, judgment and rejection I have written in my head—almost never happens. The 16th-century French essayist Michel de Montaigne wrote, “He who fears he will suffer is already suffering from what he fears.” Yikes. So true.
After more than a decade in the service industry and after singing and playing in various bands, I knew I was ready for a change. I felt moved to become a music teacher. I wanted it badly, but I was afraid, and it was a complete shock to my system. For months, I thought, Why are they letting me do this? I’m just a singer who got a degree, and now I’m pretending to be a teacher. I thought surely someday soon, somebody was going to figure out that I wasn’t actually good enough at this to keep doing it. At the time, I had no idea it was normal to be overwhelmed in the first year. I just kept showing up and doing it, even though I was afraid.
Some combination of previously untapped bravery, my absorption of everything I could from teachers around me, and good old-fashioned fake-it-till-you-make-it has now taken me to year seven of my career, with many more years ahead. I was scared, but I did it anyway, and I’m so thankful. Teaching is not easy, but it brings me so much joy and fulfillment.
I am scared to go to the gym. There, I said it. All those heavy machines and weights, people way cooler and more fit than I will probably ever be, the living nightmare of ending up in the background of someone’s influencer video, the fear of not keeping up during a class, or fainting because I didn’t eat the right thing before going, and on and on and on. I told you, I’m good at making things up to be scared of. I haven’t been to the gym yet, but I’m working on it. If you see me at the gym, you’ll know I’m being especially brave.
When I was first approached about writing this column for Brick & Elm, I was honored and excited. I have a deep love of writing, and imagined doing it for many years before this opportunity came along. I didn’t do it earlier in life for one reason: I was afraid. Michele and I had a lovely chat over coffee, we agreed that this was a good idea, and I felt fantastic. And then, just like anxiety magic, the very first instant I got in my car, the fear set in. Am I really qualified to share thoughts about life? Who am I to be putting pen to paper? As you all know, I did it anyway. I am genuinely proud of my writings here thus far, and immeasurably grateful for the kind feedback I have received from so many of you.
And still, there is that pesky internal voice asking whether or not I can pull it off this time. What if I’m out of good ideas? What if I’m not smart or thoughtful enough to keep this up? It has now been a full year since that cup of coffee, and I am so thankful to be here with you all. Even when I’m scared to write, I’m going to keep doing it anyway.
This idea of doing something even when you’re afraid goes hand in hand with the concept of neuroplasticity. Simply put, our brains have the ability to create new connections and pathways, and modify existing ones. Neuroplasticity happens every time we learn something new or adapt to a new environment, but we can apply this principle intentionally as well. If you’re scared to do something, and you do it anyway, you are teaching your brain that you are capable of doing difficult things, and the thing isn’t that scary after all. Acts of bravery, no matter how small, literally restructure our brains to be more courageous and more confident. I love that.
What are you afraid of? What would it take for you to just do it anyway? Make the dentist appointment. Learn to swim. Have the conversation. Start the podcast, write the novel, audition for community theater, go to a new exercise class, pick up a paintbrush, sign up for the open mic, try out for the team, post your poetry, call the estranged friend, join the campaign, run for a local office, go back to school, apply for the job, do the thing you’re afraid of. Be scared, but do it anyway.
Change your brain. Friends, let’s be brave.
