We all have that one person we know we can always count on. They are the ones who speak the loudest, care the hardest, and often carry sadness and sorrow behind a huge smile. We think of them as our “strong” friend. They can maintain a smile as long as I-40 just to make sure they are available as a resource to all the people who cross their path. But over the years, being the strong one has a way of breaking you down. People start to depend on you to be strong, and you never have the opportunity to just take a break and rest.
Strong friends often appear to have it all together, like they’re perfect. But the truth is, no one can be perfect and shouldn’t try to be. If I just described you, then this column is for you. I see you and can relate to your struggles. It is so crucial that, if you are the one taking care of others, you learn that you are just as important and that you also need to take care of yourself. At this moment in our society, it is imperative that we take care of each other, and also allow others to take care of us. While strong people can endure an extreme amount of pressure, at times they, too, have to step back and take a breath. Then they can be ready to continue going forward to speak into other’s lives.
You might be the strong friend—the friend that never breaks, the friend people can go to with all their problems, the friend who never turns others away, the friend willing to help people navigate troubled waters—and you might also find yourself the most tired friend. You might be helping so much you neglect caring for yourself. You need encouragement and inspiration too, but you are left with no one. We have to learn to accept the help of others and be vulnerable. We need to understand that we can be strong, but allowing others to care for us in return is the way to build a blueprint for a better life.
Four years ago, I decided I wanted to be that strong friend. I wanted to be an advocate, and I wanted to be able to solve problems. What I found is that in my pursuit to help others I neglected myself. That’s what strong friends often do—they feel they can’t be vulnerable with other people because not being strong is not an option. I found myself worn out, wanting to give up, irritable and wanting to be left alone.
I had to make the decision to be a smart friend and take care of myself so I could continue taking care of other people. I had to see the value in letting others help me. Yes, we have to position ourselves to be helpful, but the goal is to develop servanthood in others, and then they’re able to help someone else, too. After a while, you have created a system of helpers, this system of strong people who want to encourage other people. That’s what this journey is about.
So The Call this time is this: If you’re that strong person, I’m asking you to take a step back and give the people around you the chance to take part of your burden. I assure you that you will feel different after you take care of yourself. When you decide to rest and let others step into the fray, it will ensure your longevity in serving while teaching them how to lead. If you know someone who continuously helps you with your problems and concerns, please check on that person. Make sure they’re not just smiling on the outside and breaking on the inside. They’re probably too afraid to show people what really goes on inside their mind, so make sure you’re present for them. Give them the same care they give you. Take care of each other! Even strong friends need someone to be strong for them, too.
