After a recent visit with my counselor, I started thinking about personal accomplishments—the awards I had won, the people I had helped, and the legacy I thought I had created. But as I took a deeper look, I started to understand that I am someone who just wants to be loved. This means I seek to help other people because I believe I don’t have true value unless I’m adding value to someone else. In other words, I focus on others and not on myself.
During our session, my counselor asked, “What are your goals for your life? What makes you valuable? What are you going to do with your future?”
As I sat thinking about the answers to these questions, it became apparent that while I thought I had grown all I needed to, there was definitely more growth needed. Being able to take an honest look at oneself is not easy—it’s not painless—but it’s probably one of the most beneficial things you will ever be able to do for yourself.
The Strength in Admitting You Need Growth
Being able to accept the fact that you need to grow is brave. That’s why people avoid it. We all know the cliche: If you’re not growing, you become stagnant. My question to you is: How many of you have become inactive, putting your dreams on the backburner?
Maybe other people kept you from pursuing your goals. Maybe you pursued the wrong purpose. Or maybe fear kept you from reaching the next level. Perhaps it was even pride that once looked like genuine helpfulness.
Four Truths for Your Journey
This helped me recognize four significant truths:
Give without expectation. Never expect from others what you choose to give freely and from the kindness of your heart—not for recognition, repayment or reward, but simply because you saw a need and were able to meet it for the good of those involved.
Dependency isn’t always love. How do you love yourself when you know others love you because of what you do for them? That’s dependency, not love. That kind of “love” is never going to be good enough. When I figured out that my acts of service came from pride and not simply helping, I knew something had to change. Think about the last time you did something for someone: Was it because they needed it, or was it because you needed them to need it?
Discover what makes you tick. Find a personality test that you trust, take that test, and look at it from all angles. I took an Enneagram Test, which sorts people into nine different personality types. I discovered that I was an Enneagram 2, “The Helper.” Rather than focusing on the positive attributes of a 2, I was immediately drawn to the unhealthy characteristics of Enneagram 2. Am I like this? I called my counselor in a panic, and they assured me that each Ennegram type has a healthy and an unhealthy side. We determined we’d work on taking me to a healthier place.
Find yourself before you lose yourself for good. Imagine me asking you these specific questions: What do you like to do in your spare time? What is your favorite food? Where do you want to travel? What does your future look like? Do you have good answers to those questions? Would you say you don’t matter? Is your focus always on others? I’m starting to learn that it’s healthy to care for myself first, so I can make sure other people are OK. If I don’t have the bare minimum that I need, how will I help anyone else on their journey?”
All of these involve putting yourself first in healthy ways. That may be the hardest and most important thing you will ever do. When we realize our value isn’t tied to what we accomplish or our skills and talents—that our value is just in who we are—everything changes.
All that to say: I am Melodie Graves. I like to write. I like to laugh until my sides hurt. I like to provide words of encouragement to other people, and I also like to receive words of encouragement back. Don’t be afraid if you see my tears, because you’ll know that everything I do, I put my heart into. While I don’t desire perfection, I do desire impact.
So The Call this time is to take steps of self-reflection. The type of reflection that involves looking at those dark spots within, assessing previous hurts, and examining loneliness and dissatisfaction.
Once we begin this type of self-exploration, we will begin to see our lives change. We’ll begin to step into our purpose. That’s when we can focus on impact instead of the imprint we will leave behind. That’s when we’ll start to say, I am a good person. I am worthy of love even if I don’t do one more thing or help one more person. I am enough, and that is enough.
You’re enough just because of who you are. Each and every one of us brings something special to the table, so please come to the table. It’s time for us to be great.
