Those of us working toward becoming better versions of ourselves find ourselves at different points in the journey—some still going strong, others having lost momentum. No matter where you are, there is always either a blessing or a lesson in everything you’ve experienced.
In my 45 years, I’ve encountered many difficulties, consistently feeling inadequate, overlooked and most importantly, lacking confidence in who I am and what I’m capable of achieving. Sometimes the best way to help others is to present them with situations you’ve encountered, show them how to navigate through those challenges, and talk about tools they can use when facing similar circumstances.
Let’s talk specifically about imposter syndrome. As many women—and even men—can attest, we’ve dealt with this in depth for most of our lives. By definition, imposter syndrome is feeling like you don’t belong or don’t deserve to be in a certain place, position or role.
For me, imposter syndrome emerged when I decided to pursue higher education. This story deserves to be told—what I encountered, what I overcame, and how exactly those situations shaped the person I am today. More importantly, it shaped who I aspire to be as I move forward.
I remember graduating from Amarillo High School in 1998, thinking everything would be easy sailing. I wasn’t always the smartest person in class, but I knew I was going to college to pursue an engineering program. For the past four years, I’d felt that engineering was going to be my passion. But when I started looking around, I saw very few people who looked like me in engineering—few women, and hardly any women of color. I began to think: Maybe this isn’t for me.
I had grown to tolerate myself rather than embrace myself. The foundation of imposter syndrome is low self-esteem. What I didn’t know then was this: The only way to beat imposter syndrome is not only conviction that you deserve a seat at the table, but that the seat was made for you.
After graduating from West Texas A&M &niversity with my master’s degree, I continued studying for a Ph.D. Everyone I knew was pursuing advanced degrees. I had two options: Howard University, a historically black university, or the University of Nebraska-Lincoln.
I chose Nebraska. I fought through that first semester and earned Bs in my classes. But I hated it!
I came home for Christmas that year and begged my mother not to make me go back. She said, “You started this, and you at least have to do it for a year. After that year, we’ll reassess.” I remember getting ready to return, looking back at her with tears streaming down my face. She hugged me and told me I could do it.
I managed to make it through the spring semester. When I came back, I was broken. I felt like I’d let everyone down.
Searching for a job, I applied to one institution 14 times before getting an interview. When I finally did, they were so impressed they hired me on the spot. After four years, I learned the difference between “hard money” and “soft money” when our grant wasn’t renewed. On Aug. 1, we were told Aug. 30 would be our last day. At that point, I had a 2-year-old to care for, and thoughts of everyone who had doubted me came flooding back. But eventually the experience pushed me toward becoming the person I am—someone who had answers and resources.
Imposter syndrome comes when you least expect it, even when you’ve built yourself up to believe you belong. I encourage you to find your calling and to know that in any situation you’re in, you belong. You bring life and growth, and you deserve to be there.
Find what fulfills you. Where is your passion? What do you want to do? Most importantly, what is keeping you from doing what you want to do? The answer is right there: You just have to believe you can do it.
As Frederick Douglass reminded us, “If there is no struggle, there is no progress.”
One day you’ll be able to look back over your life, and when you think you haven’t touched anyone, you’ll see all the seeds you’ve planted have turned into beautiful trees that are budding. You’ll know that progress has been made.
This reflection is dedicated to everyone who has ever felt like they didn’t belong. You do. You are enough. You are built for this.
